32 and proud!

I just celebrated my 32nd birthday and it’s made me think about age and how I see it now compared to when I was in my early 20’s. I always thought when I got to my 30’s I’d be dull and boring. So serious and all about responsibilities. Now I realize that it’s not as bad as all that I’m just not as stupid as I was in my early 20’s. Like the fun I have now isn’t what it was.

Unfortunately, time goes by so fast. My oldest is nine my youngest daughter is eight and I have no idea what happened to those years. I have these moments now where I look at my girls and think “oh my gosh, she looks like a young women.” It’s emotional because I’m so proud of them but so sad that their growing so fast.

It seems like when you have a baby everyone will tell you this but when that moment hits you, it shakes every aspect of your life. Time becomes something completely different. It’s not about the days and weeks and weekends. It becomes about the seconds. It becomes about holding onto those little moments that are gone too fast. About holding onto memories. The things that were my whole life, are irrelevant now. My goals and dreams are not about superficial things that carry no real meaning. They are about simplicity and how I can put my family at the center of it all. I’d consider myself fairly young but too soon my kids will not live at home. I hear so many people talk about looking back and wishing that they would have savored that period in time a little more. By then it’s gone and there is nothing you can do to get it back. This stage in life is too precious to let it slip through my fingers without a fight.

Youth is not forever and time will pass no matter how much we deny it but what we do with that time is what changes everything. I have had to collect too many regrets before I realized this. In another post (click here to see that post) I mentioned that this was why I fell in love with photography and it’s true. I get to freeze time and look back at my kids when they were young and sweet and reminisce about those little smiles and giggles. The constant questions and the unending curiosity in the most innocent way. I can remember the attitudes and the struggles and remember how frustrating the terrible twos could be and be thankful for every moment. Those moments that are gone. The moments I’m watching Nathan start to go through(trying to roll over and being frustrated that he can’t move like he wants). It’s a blessing because getting to remember all that and acknowledging those times with my girls are gone, helps me to savor them with him and remember how priceless and how valuable this time is. It also helps me meet my girls where they are and savor the current struggles and happy times because soon those will pass. It’s the bittersweet nature of time. It all seems to happen all at once causing it to disappear before you realized it was here.

Life is so beautiful! Sometimes we want to cry, or laugh in the moment and that’s ok both are so important! Those moments of tears make the smiles bigger. They are a part of life and its worth embracing and capturing! Worth remembering.

I just turned 32 and I might be boring now but it’s taken blood sweat and tears to get here and I can say it is so beautiful!

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